


I Don't Feel a Thing

by kittensmctavish



Series: Buzzfeed Soulmates AU [4]
Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Awkward Conversations, Dentists, F/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-19
Updated: 2018-06-19
Packaged: 2019-05-25 07:43:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14972369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittensmctavish/pseuds/kittensmctavish
Summary: You drive Ryan home from a visit to the dentist that involved Novocain AND laughing gas.





	I Don't Feel a Thing

**Author's Note:**

> i don’t know, you guys. i’m not happy with this part. but i need to post SOMETHING, so…here.

“I can’t feel that. Can you feel that?”

“Feel what, Ryan?”

“THIS.”

You glance over at Ryan.

“Ryan, you’re poking the side of YOUR face. No, I can’t feel that.”

“This is so fuckin’ weird! I can’t feel it!”

“Ryan, stop poking your face. It’s probably not good.”

“But it’s FUN!”

You stifle a laugh.

You’re driving Ryan home from a visit to the dentist – a visit that involved both Novocain AND laughing gas, and therefore required the assistance of another human being. With Helen being out of state for work, Shane stuck in a research hole for “Ruining History”, and TJ just plain not wanting to, you volunteered to drive Ryan. You were more than happy to.

(Of course you were…he’s your soulmate.)

You come to a red light and have a moment to look at him fully. He’s still poking the left side of his face, smiling the weird half-smile that comes with numbed jaws. You reach for his hand and pull it away from his face.

“Time to stop, Ryan,” you say gently. “You’re gonna mess something up that the dentist just fixed, and then you’ll need to get it fixed again.” You set his hand down and look back at the road. Light turns green, and you ease your foot off the brake and on to the accelerator.

You – and the movement of the car – jolt at the feeling of SOMETHING on your cheek.

“Oh my god, Ryan.”

“Can you feel that?” Ryan asks as he pokes your face.

“YES, I can.” You swat his hand away. “I’m DRIVING, Ryan, please don’t.” He continues, finger jabbing into your cheek, your chin, the tip of your nose. “RYAN.”

“I’m getting you to smile,” Ryan says in a sing-song tone. You are smiling, in spite of yourself. “You have a pretty smile.”

“You’re so fucking out of it,” you say, cheeks warming the slightest bit at the compliment. (Though given his nitrous oxide-addled mind, you try not to take it too much to heart.) You see his finger approaching your face again in your peripheral vision and bat it away. “Ryan, you’re gonna get us killed if you keep doing that. No more, please.”

“Fine.” You can hear, rather than see, the pout. It makes you snort.

“You’re so lucky Shane couldn’t drive you. He’d be filming the whole of this either for blackmail or for Buzzfeed.”

That seems to make Ryan laugh. Really hard. Like, he laughs for a good thirty seconds.

“You okay, Ryan?” you ask, voice tinged with laughter because he’s just BESIDE himself with laughter.

“I remembered a really funny joke,” Ryan manages, laughter calming.

“Lay it on me,” you say, flipping the signal switch as you approach the next turn towards Ryan’s apartment.

“What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the car?”

“I don’t know. What did he say?”

“Get in the car.”

“Goddamn it,” is what you say before you laugh right along with Ryan. “God. Damn it.”

“Told you it was funny,’ Ryan says, pointing at you (but thankfully, not poking you again).

“That’s a good one, Ryan.”

“I made you laugh.”

“Yes, you did.”

“You should laugh more. It’s pretty.”

It’s a good thing the ringtone on Ryan’s phone fills the space of the car right after he says that. Because you don’t know how to respond to that.

“That’s my phone!” Ryan says, turning towards the muffled music.

“Who’s calling you?” you ask as you turn on to the next street. As you turn the wheel back, Ryan makes a happy little sound.

“It’s Helen!” he exclaims. There’s a slight pause that you can only guess is Ryan sliding his thumb over the screen to take the call. “Heleeeeeeen!”

“Hi, Ryan!” you hear her voice.

“Hi baby!” He sounds so fucking happy.

“Oh my god…” she laughs. “Ryan…you are…so pretty right now.” Ah. They must be on Facetime.

“I can’t feel the side of my face!” Ryan says. “See? I can’t feel that!”

“Ryan, don’t poke your face,” you say, not needing to turn to know that’s what he’s doing. You lean forward, trying to read the street signs to find the next turn. You can hear Ryan telling Helen you took him to the dentist and that now you’re taking him home.

“Wanna say hi?” Whether Ryan is saying this to Helen or you isn’t clear. What IS clear is that he’s trying to move the phone in front of your face.

“RYAN, I AM DRIVING,” you exclaim, but it’s mingled with laughter.

“Say hiiiii!”

“Hi Helen, there Ryan, I said hi, please take the phone away!” You’re a little frantic, because you’re pretty sure the turn is coming up. “Helen, am I on the right street?” You give her the name.

“Yeah, you’re good.” She’s laughing, and you can only imagine what this looks like on Facetime with Ryan’s shenanigans.

“Thanks, Helen!”

“You’re welcome!”

As you make the turn on to the next street, you can hear Helen telling Ryan to let you concentrate on driving.

“I made her laugh earlier,” Ryan says proudly. “And I made her smile.”

“That was nice of you.”

“I think she’s sad sometimes,” Ryan says. Your grip on the steering wheel tightens a little because…what? “Like at work, I’ll turn to ask her something, and she just looks so sad sometimes. Like, when she thinks no one’s looking, she just looks so sad. Why is she so sad?”

“…I don’t know, Ryan,” Helen says. You can hear the discomfort in her voice because…you’re right there.  She knows that you can hear all of this.

You stop at a red light, glance ahead at the parking lot for the apartment complex.

“We’re here, Ryan,” you say quietly as the light turns green.

“Yaaaaaay, we’re home, Helen!” Ryan cheers. As you turn into the parking lot and look for a parking spot, you hear Helen laugh before she tells Ryan to be good for you.

“I miss you,” Ryan says.

“I miss you too,” Helen says. You imagine her smile is brilliant. “I’ll call later tonight, okay?”

“Mmmkay. Love you, Helen.”

“Love you, Ryan. Bye.”

“Byeeeeeeee.”

As you’re pulling into a parking spot, Ryan puts the phone down. You open your door and walk over to the passenger side of the car.

You’d had to help Ryan out of the dentist’s office down to the car earlier because he’d been so out of it that it had affected his balance. You’re expecting the same, you think, as you open the passenger-side door as Ryan undoes his seatbelt. He pushes himself up, swaying a little, but upright.

“You okay?” you ask as you watch him. He seems more balanced than when he’d been escorted out of the dentist’s chair, but you’re not sure.

“Mmmhmm.” He blinks and gives you a half-smile (the only kind of smile he can still muster). It’s quick…and then he frowns. “You okay?”

“Fine. Why?”

“You look sad again.”

You’re not given a chance to respond before Ryan moves to step forward. Evidently, he’s still not completely balanced, because it’s a little more of a stumble. But he sort of falls against you, and you reach out instinctively to steady him. But his arms tighten around you.

“Why are you so sad?” you hear him whisper as he rests his head against your shoulder. “You shouldn’t be sad.” His breath tickles your neck.

“Don’t worry about me, Ryan,” you manage. “I’m fine.”

“You’re Unsolved family. Gonna worry about you.”

“…I’m fine,” you repeat. He doesn’t say anything for a while. Just…continues hugging you. He leans a little more into you, breathes deep. “Ryan?”

“I’m sleepy,” he murmurs.

“Okay, let’s get you inside and you can sleep off the dentist stuff,” you say, gently shrugging him out of the hugging position, but keeping one arm around his so you can guide him to his apartment. His head lolls against your shoulder as you both walk.

(You’ll realize, later, that with your arm around his waist, your hand rests in the vicinity of his soul mark. It’s a stupid observation, but you can’t help but make it.)

It’s takes a while to get to the correct floor. Then Ryan fumbles with his keys long enough that you finally just take them and open the door for him.

“Couch?” you ask. It’s the nearest piece of resting furniture.

“Yeah,” Ryan says. You walk him over to it.

“Don’t rest your head on the numb side,” you say as he shifts into a lying position. “Probably not good.”

“Mmmkay.” He’s already closing his eyes and burrowing into the familiar comfort of the couch. You grab a blanket from the end of the couch and drape it over him. He seems to already be asleep.

You settle yourself in a nearby chair and take out your phone, sending a quick text to Shane:

_Back from the dentist. Everything went fine. Ryan’s sleeping right now._

The reply comes a few minutes later:

_Cool. I’ll be by soon so you don’t have to deal with him for the rest of the day. (And also so I can make fun of him while he tries to eat later.) (Also also so I can eat Chipotle in front of him while he whines over his soup/canned pears/whatever the hell else one eats after dental procedures.)_

You huff out a little laugh at Shane being Shane. Before you can reply, you get a text notification. You vaguely recognize the number from one of your group texts with Ryan, Shane, and many others, but you don’t know whose exactly it is.  You open the message.

_Hey. It’s Helen. Is it okay if I call you really quick?_

You stare at the screen for a long while. Because this is…hmm…

Part of you wonders HOW she figured out which number in the group chat YOURS was (had your name ever been mentioned in it? you can’t remember) while another part is wondering what she wants to talk to you about. You blink at the appearance of another text from her, asking if this is indeed you/that she isn’t texting the wrong person. You stand and type:

_yes, helen, it’s me. i’ll call you in just a moment._

The kitchen is too close and too open. And honestly, the bedroom just feels awkward…like you don’t have any right to set foot in there, not even to take a phone call. So you duck into the bathroom, closing the door quietly behind you, and you call Helen.

She answers within a ring and a half, your name a question from her.

“Hi, Helen. Sorry. Ryan’s sleeping and I didn’t want to wake him.” Though the door is closed and the bathroom is a decent distance from the living room, you keep your voice hushed.

“Sorry for…kinda surprising you with a message, I guess. I know Ryan probably never gave you my number or vice versa, so…”

“It’s cool,” you say. “I mean, if you’re calling to ask about the dentist, I can’t tell you much. I don’t think the dentist was allowed to tell me anything other than ‘he’s good to go’ because of confidentiality or whatever.”

“No, that’s cool, I get it, don’t worry,” Helen insists. “And, I mean…I did call Ryan earlier and…he still has a jaw and they didn’t pull, like, half his teeth out or anything, so…”

“Very true,” you laugh quietly. “If it helps at all, I didn’t hear any screaming from the waiting room. Or any disconcertingly loud drilling noises.”

“Good,” she laughs. “I’m very relieved to hear that.” A pause. “But anyway…I wanted to call and…” She pauses again. “I wanted to apologize.”

“For what?”

“For…Ryan…earlier…what he was saying in the car.” You hear a wince in her voice, a hint of regret. “I know he was still on the effects of whatever the dentist gave him, but it was still…that wasn’t okay, and I apologize.”

“It’s okay, Helen,” you say. “I mean…he couldn’t help what he was saying. I just…” You blink, huffing out a little…not quite a laugh, maybe more of a sigh. “I don’t know why he would think I’m sad.”

(You know EXACTLY why he’d think you’re sad.)

“I’m…if this is rude, I’m sorry, and you don’t have to answer, but…” Helen pauses. “Is it anything to do with…whatever happened the day we met?”

The day you met…

“I know you’d gotten some bad news, you said, and…”

Right. The bad news. (The bad news being, fuck, Ryan’s for sure your soulmate, and you can never tell him, because he has a girlfriend, and neither of them deserve that pain.)

“Yeah, I remember,” you cut her off, not unkindly.

“Sorry...”

“No, you’re fine, Helen.” You push your hair back away from your face and take in a deep breath. “It’s…I’m fine, really. The worst of…that is over, but there are still…there are times when I’m just…” You sigh. “I don’t want to go into details, but I’m fine, I promise.”

“I understand, and I’m sorry if you felt like you had to tell me anything—”

“No, Helen, it’s okay, you weren’t prying.” You force a smile. Even if Helen can’t see it. It’s more for yourself. “Who knows? Maybe when Ryan wakes up and the drugs have worn off, he’ll have forgotten all about it.”

“Maybe.” She doesn’t sound convinced. Honestly, you don’t know.

“But I appreciate it.”

“…I feel kind of bad. Like, the only times we’ve ever spoken have been under less-than-ideal circumstances. You seem like a really cool person, from what Ryan’s told me.”

“Thanks. And Ryan has nothing but nice things to say about you; you seem pretty cool yourself.”

(Understatement. She’s too sweet by halves.)

“I’ll let you go now,” she says after a silence that’s…not uncomfortable, but not comfortable, either. A weird middle ground. “But I just…wanted to apologize for Ryan. And I don’t know if I said it earlier, but thanks for driving him today. I know you probably had other stuff to do.”

“It’s fine, I was happy to do it,” you say. “And thanks.”

“You’re welcome. I’ll call Ryan later, when he’s awake, and more alert than before.”

“Sounds good. Shane will probably be here soon, so...”

“Cool. …talk to you later?”

“Sure.”

“Okay. Bye.”

“Bye, Helen.”

You end the call, setting your phone down on the counter before you prop your elbows in front of the sink and rest your head in your hands.

You hadn’t expected that. You hadn’t expected ANY of this.

Were you REALLY so obvious sometimes that RYAN noticed? Even if he didn’t know WHY (and ideally, he’d never know why), were you really so clear-for-all-the-world-to-see SAD? (And if he thought so…did anyone else notice? Did anyone else think the same?)

Had Ryan mentioned this at all to Helen before? Was it just this one time, or…the day you found out. The day you met Helen for the first time. Were there discussions that night about your well-being?

(How much did…DOES…Ryan talk about you to Helen? WHAT has he told/does he tell her about you?) (Why the fuck are you thinking so hard about this?)

You leave the bathroom and walk softly back to the living room. Ryan is still sleeping, in the same position as before (which is good, you can’t imagine it’d be good to sleep on the side of the face the dentist worked on).

His breaths are deep. His eyes twitch from behind his eyelids.

For the briefest moment, you’re tempted to do something really…cliché? Stupid? Stupid. Like…run a hand through his hair or…kiss his forehead or something.

Because…he’s just so peaceful. And so lovely. And he’s your soulmate, and there is just…so much of him in your heart…it’d be so easy…

You don’t. None of that. Not worth the risk.

(You DO adjust the blanket carefully so it covers his feet again. But that’s it.)

A few minutes pass before there’s a knock on the door. You walk over to look through the peephole before you open it.

At the sight of Shane, you hold a finger up to your lips.

“He’s still sleeping,” you whisper.

“Awesome,” Shane says. “That means I can—”

“If you finish that sentence with ‘draw dicks on his face’, I’m gonna slap you as softly as I can.”

“How dare you presume I’d be so juvenile.” Shane holds up a Sharpie. “I’m gonna draw Doctor Goondis on his face. Or Gene. Or both.”

You yank the Sharpie out of his hand.

“How’d it go?” he asks, slightly more serious as he steps into the apartment. “Like, how is he?”

“Fine. I mean…he was still kind of loopy from the laughing gas, but…”

“I missed all the fun, didn’t I?” You shrug. “Well…if you wanna head out, you can.”

“Okay.” You pick up your purse.

“Thanks again. I know I should’ve been a good soulmate and done it, but…”

“It’s fine. You were researching. If you need anything, text.” Shane gives you a thumbs up, and you give him a little wave as you leave the apartment, closing the door quietly behind you.

When you get down to your car, you pull out your phone and open your messages.

_hey adam. leaving ryan’s now._

_how’d things go?_

_if i promise to bring milkshakes, can i swing by your place?_

_strawberry, please._

**Author's Note:**

> feedback welcome and appreciated.


End file.
